'Chavs' are hard to explain. A phenomenon of evolution that no amount of Darwin-esque analysis will ever be able to comprehend. However, I shall try to dissect their characteristics, and suggest way in which you can deal with assaults from these creatures, and avoid catching this dreadful disease.
Visual:
They are not difficult to spot. They frequently wear tracksuits, adorn themselves with objects known in their language as 'bling' and are often seen to be wearing hoods, as they are sensitive to light. Unlike vampires however, Chavs are not adverse to UV rays. On the contrary, they enjoy sitting in small rooms (very much like ovens) baking their skin until it becomes a curious shade of orange. Another way of achieving this look, which seems to be a display the female uses to attract a mate, is by spraying the skin with orange Dulux paint (a brand is necessary - can be fake). One characteristic they do share with vampires however, is that they don't sparkle. They are an extremely fertile race, and the females become impregnated as soon as they reach maturity (any age upwards of 8 years old). They all smoke. It is obligatory.
Audio:
If they are within a 500 metre radius of you, YOU WILL HEAR THEM. Their mating calls are one of the loudest noises in the animal kingdom, and are unmistakable. Popular phrases include 'oit init bruvv', 'wicked blud' and other early evolutionary grunts (N/B. Chavs have close genetic ties with early human life, particularly Neanderthals).
How to react when confronted by 'a Chav':
There are several methods of how to react to 'chav assault'. The first method is to bow your head and keep walking until you pass the area of danger. If you use this method you must remember NEVER MAKE EYE CONTACT. This aggravates them and they become aggressive. This method is most popular, but if you are a rugby player, a karate expert or simply incredibly large, then direct confrontation is a more suitable method. You should only attempt this if you feel as if you could win a fight, and if you haven't seen any other chavs. The group you attack may well have back-up nearby, as they find security in numbers.
Avoiding 'Chavism':
There is one simple way of avoiding this disease. Don't do any of the things mentioned above
otherwise emos will come and eat your soul >:)
Anna x
P.s. This is a mocking of stereotypes and is not intended to be offensive.
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Well, it is a little bit. I just don't want to get knifed :)
LOL!! very true indeed, and i did crack up when the picture popped up :D but chavs would never dare mess with THE player though, would they? :/ and i prefer to call it a little 4-letter word beginning with 'f' rather than stereotyping... fact. haha ;D
ReplyDeletep.s sorting out the comment name was a pain, but its my blog... i havent been on it yet though so that explains the crapness lol ;) x
Ahhh i have a great picture on my comp that would back up your point :D why cant i include pictures in comments...
ReplyDeleteyou should write your own nicola :)
ReplyDelete